Prank'd/Script
is sleeping soundly and dreaming about snowboarding at the Winter Olympics. Jen: "Jen goes in for the Miller Flip...yes! First place!" Jonesy: "Jen? Isn't this the part of your dream where you choke?" her dream, Jen loses control and crashes to the ground. Jen: "Whoa! Ump." wakes up and sees her brothers framed in her bedroom door. Jonesy: chuckling "Was it something I said?" Jen: "Get out of my room!" throws a pillow at them, and they leave. "And out of my dreams." puts on a sock to find the toes have been cut out of it. "Ugh! That was my last clean pair!" something "No! Not another fart attack!" Diego and Robbie leap on her and smother her in farts before walking out of her room, laughing. Jen comes up gasping for air. "Oh! Gross!" chokes. exits her room and goes to the bathroom. When she enters, she is about to put toothpaste on her toothbrush, but she notices that it's suspiciously brown and scraggly. She then looks over and notices a shining toilet. Jen: "Eww! Someone used my toothbrush to scrub the toilet!" hears laughter outside the bathroom. Jonesy: "I know how much you love having a freshly scrubbed bathroom!" Jen: "You are, the most, AAAH!" ---- meets up with Nikki by the Big Squeeze. She plunks her tray of food down on the table. Nikki: "Every day, same breakfast burrito, same dangerous salt addiction." slides a saltshaker over to Jen. Jen: "Not today, Nikki." Nikki: "Oh. Good for you!" Jen: out her own saltshaker "With Jonesy's nonstop pranking, I can't even trust an innocent saltshaker anymore." lid falls off of hers, and her burrito is oversalted. "AAH!" walks over to a trashcan and throws her food away. She stands there, panting angrily. Jen: angry "I am calm. I am Zen. I will not sink to Jonesy's juvenile level." Nikki: "Jen? Did you sit in wet paint?" looks down and notices a green blotch on her skirt. Her head jerks up, and she looks ahead steadfastly. Nikki: "Go ahead. You can scream." Jen: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Prank'd' ---- ''Jude, and Nikki are gathered by the Big Squeeze. Two of them are laughing; the third has purple teeth. Jen: "What?" Jude: "Smile pretty for the camera!" takes a picture with his cell phone and shows it to Jen. Jen: "Ugh! Jonesy replaced my spearmint gum with this prank stuff!" throws the gum away and wipes her teeth off. "I can't let my guard down for a nanosecond! Ever since we moved into Jonesy's dad's house, I've been getting pranked nonstop!" and Wyatt walk up to the table. Jonesy has a particular spring in his step. Nikki: "What's with the swagger?" Jonesy: "Oh, pranking Jen five times a day before breakfast really puts a spring in my step!" Jen: "Don't you have some lame birdwatching job to get to?" Jonesy: "Not birdwatching, bald eagle watching." Jude: excited "Eagles?!? In the mall?!? No way!" Jonesy: "Way. Guess they made a wrong turn migrating or whatever." Nikki: "Thank you, Doctor Suzuki." Jonesy: "Mall management's paying me to keep an eye on them just to keep some bird protection group happy." Wyatt: "You mean C-R-I-S-P-E-E? Citizens Really Into Supporting Protected Eagles Everywhere?" Nikki: "Crispy? Wh–as in fried chicken? Nice name for a bird protection agency." Jonesy: "Until I win the lottery, the Jonesmiester has to earn his keep. Have fun at work!" leaves. Jen: sighing "I better go too, it's almost nine." Nikki: "Uh, Jen? It's ten A.M.?" Jen: "No, my watch clearly says nine." and Wyatt silently point to a clock in the mall reading ten. Jen: "JONESY!" growls and leaves for work. Nikki: semi-impressed "Huh. Who knew Jonesy was actually good at something? Besides making out." looks at her oddly. "Uh, too much information?" Wyatt: "Little bit." ---- Jen gets to work, she is panting heavily. Jen: "Sorry I'm late, Coach. Jonesy keeps playing these pranks on me and I–" Coach Halder: "There's no excuse for a delay of game penalty!" Stuart Goldstein: "Excuse me, I'm pretty sure the skis are two hundred dollars, not two thousand?" Jen: "I'll stay late to make up for it." Coach Halder: "You'll do more than that, missy! I'm doubling your sales quota! And making you do inventory!" Jen: shocked "At the same time?!?" Coach Halder: "Good thinking! Now, get in the game! Ha!" Halder walks away, and Jen takes his spot at the register. Stuart Goldstein: "Miss? I–" Jen: at the receipt "That'll be two thousand dollars." sighs and heads off to put the skis back. Wyatt walks into the store. Wyatt: "Hey. How'd Coach Halder take the whole late for work thing?" Jen: "Besides doubling my sales quota and sticking me with boring inventory? Terrific! Thanks!" notices how uncomfortable Wyatt looks. "On the bright side, I get more Paulo time. He's dreamy." Wyatt: "Jonesy used to prank me all the time too, till I finally got him to stop." Jen: "How'd you do that?" Wyatt: "By fighting back! If you want, I can help you fight back. I've been in the trenches. I know things." Jen: "This isn't a war, it's just Jonesy being a jerk. I can handle it." Wyatt: "You sure?" Jen: despondent "No. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an entire store to count." ---- walks up to an ATM with a check in her hand. Caitlin: "Goodbye check, hello withdrawal." inserts the check, and a fifty dollar bill prints out. "A fifty? But I only took out twenty." more fifties exit the machine. "Holy cashmere!" guilty "Oh. But I can't keep it. There must be some mistake." Announcer: the PA system "Attention valued customers. We're giving away our biggest grand prize ever in our 'You Save, We Make You Spend' contest. And, it could be yours." Caitlin: gasping "I must have won! Eee! Shopping spree, here I come!" ---- surveys the mall through binoculars and sighs tiredly. Jonesy: "You'd think I would have spotted those glorified pigeons by now! It's been four hours!" Jude: "You know what they say about animals. If you love something, let it pee." Jonesy: "You mean set it free." Jude: "Even better! By setting it free, it can pee wherever it wants!" Jonesy: "On that note, time for a washroom break." lowers his binoculars, revealing rings around his eyes. Jude laughs. Jude: "Dude, you've been pranked!" looks at his reflection in the binocular lenses. Jonesy: "Aw, man! When I'm done, Jen won't know what hit her!" Jude: "You're gonna hit Jen?" Jonesy: "No Jude, I'm gonna make her pay." Jude: "She owes you money too?" Jonesy: "Nevermind." ---- enters the bathroom tiredly early in the morning. She sits on the toilet and starts urinating, but soon stops. Jen: up "Gah! Jonesy, you plastic-wrapped the toilet?" Jonesy: outside the bathroom "Now you'll never trust bathrooms again!" Jen: the bathroom "Out of my way." happily takes Jen's place in the bathroom, opening his day with a shower. He sniffs the air. Jonesy: confused "Why do I smell...beef?" notices the water color. "Gah! And why is the water brown?!?" turns off the water and unscrews the showerhead. He pulls out a cube of meat. Jonesy: "A beef bouillon cube?!?" Jen laughs. "Oh, man!" Jen: "Now you'll never trust bathrooms again!" eyes narrow. ---- walks up to Caitlin, who is wearing a lot of jewelry. Nikki: "What's with all the bling?" Caitlin: "I won a contest at the bank! The ATM gave me all kinds of money!" Nikki: "It must be a mistake. What bank is gonna give away money?" Caitlin: "The bank manager said 'We're giving away our biggest prize ever, and it could be yours!' Now it is mine! Don't ruin this for me, Nikki." walks by. Suddenly, she stops, and her vision centers in on Caitlin's new earrings. She comes over. Caitlin: "We're all out of lemons." Tricia: "There's a whole stack right there." Caitlin: "No juice for you!" Tricia: Caitlin's earrings "Precision cut, flawless clarity, great color, and whoa. One and a half carats. The four Cs don't lie." happy "I knew this whole job thing was a front! You're some kind of heiress, aren't you?" Caitlin "Wanna be BFFs again?" Caitlin: "No thanks." Tricia: "Hi, new old BFF!" Caitlin: to push Tricia away "Nikki, help me! Get her off!" Nikki: snickering "Karma's a beautiful thing." leaves. Caitlin: straining "Gotta get this–" ---- is eyeing Paulo while on the job. Coach Halder: "Masterson!" jumps. "I don't see you counting!" phone rings. Jen: "Whoa!" tumbles backwards, knocking over a mannequin and several skis. "Ow." answering "Hello?" Nikki: "You sound stressed. Time for a coffee break?" Jen: "I am stressed! I think I'm sleepeating or something!" Nikki: "Sleepeating?" Jen: "You know, like sleepwalking, only with more trips to the fridge? My uniform barely fits anymore!" Nikki: "Maybe you and Jonesy ought to cool it with the pranks before somebody gets hurt." straightens up and poses as Paulo walks by. As soon as he passes a button pops off of her shirt and her skirt splits. Jen: "Oh, you think Paulo saw?" looks back at her strangely. Nikki: "Nah, you're good." ---- and Joanie are making out. Caitlin slowly arises from below the counter. Caitlin: "Two hours of hiding from Tricia. My foot may never wake up! But at least she's nowhere to be–" Tricia: out of nowhere "I've been looking for you everywhere!" ducks into the lemon, but Tricia pulls her out. "Where do you think you're going? Half past two is the best time to catch the sun through the skylights for maximum diamond sparkle!" Caitlin: "Ooh, check it out! A&F is giving away free Branchout hoodies to the first thirty customers!" Tricia: to look "Really?" Tricia is distracted, Caitlin closes the Big Squeeze and attempts to sneak out. She bumps into Wyatt. Wyatt: "Whoa! What's the big hurry?" Caitlin: "Wyatt! Quick, I need a bodyguard!" Wyatt: "To protect the bling?" Tricia: on the lemon "Caitlin? You and your diamonds still in there?" Caitlin: "To protect me from Tricia! My new swag is like a giant Tricia magnet. She's driving me nuts! You gotta help me." Wyatt: "I'm not really the bodyguard type." Caitlin: "I can pay!" Wyatt: "Yeah. How exactly are you affording all this stuff?" Caitlin: "Not now, Wyatt! Are you gonna help me or not?" Wyatt: "Fine." over to Tricia "Hey Tricia! Wanna hear the new song I wrote about, um, Father's Day? Oh, what to get your daddy, so he doesn't gripe, a mustache trimmer or a tie with stripes–" Tricia: "Ugh. There's only one thing grosser than socks with sandals, and that is talk-singing! I am outie!" vacates the premises. Caitlin: Wyatt "Wow. You have a real talent for turning girls off." Wyatt: "Gee, thanks." ---- and Jude are getting coffees when Nikki smells something in the air. Nikki: "Okay, who smells like...soup?" Jonesy: "That would be me. And why do I smell like soup, you ask? Because Jen stuck a bouillon cube in the showerhead." and Nikki laugh. Jude: "Not to mention pranking you with the old red sock in the laundry trick." and Nikki laugh. Jonesy's clothes are indeed pink. Darth and Julie walk into the cafe, dressed oddly. Darth: "Bald eagle spotter, if that's even your real name?" ducks under a table. "Too late, Sith lord! Evading the Rebel Alliance won't help you now!" Jonesy: his head out "I wasn't evading! I was hiding." Darth: "Your continuing deceit about the eagles' whereabouts is causing unwanted ripples in the Force." Jonesy: up "Okay. So I sent in some false location reports. I had to! I haven't even seen the eagles yet." and Julie gasp. Darth: "C'mon, my beautiful Padme. We will find the eagles ourselves." and Julie leave. Jude: offhand "I've seen 'em, you know." Jonesy: "You've seen the eagles? Why didn't you tell me? We've been together all day." Jude: "It's like the weird dude said. You gotta be one with the Force." Jonesy: "Forget the stupid Force! You gonna help me out or not?" moves to leave and trips. Jude chuckles. Jude: "The two left shoes prank. Classic." Nikki: "Lemme guess. Jen stole all your right shoes?" Jonesy: "It's a new fashion trend. Right is out, left is in." Wyatt: into the store "You used to play the same trick on me until I got wise to your pranks." sits down and farts. Everyone laughs. Jonesy: "Fart keychains. The cutting edge of humiliation technology." pretty girl walks by Wyatt, and he farts again. She looks at him oddly. Wyatt: "Wasn't me." Wilson quickly scrams. Jonesy: "If Jen thinks she can top me, she has no idea who she's dealing with." and Jude leave. Wyatt: Nikki "Someone should get him good." phone rings. "Hey Jen." Jen: "I've been thinking it over, Wyatt, and I've decided to take you up on your offer to help me prank Jonesy." Nikki: "I thought Jen was gonna cool it with the pranks." Jen: "Tell Nikki that was before Jonesy switched my hand cream with superglue!" to pull her hand away "Ow!" up "Now, it's war." ---- Halder is walking through the Penalty Box when a strange sight stops him. Jen is on a treadmill while still counting the items in the store. Coach Halder: "Masterson! Working out while doing inventory? If you're fishing for a raise, Masterson, I'll–" Jen: "Just trying to keep my figure in check, Coach." Coach Halder: "I know how you feel. When I played pro football, I remember having to work off the beer gut I developed after we lost every championship. It was always play, lose, gut." depressed "Play, lose, gut. Gut, gut, gut!" back tears "Good times. Good times, Masterson." walks by. Jen smiles at him, and another button bursts off of her shirt. It hits Paulo in the eye. Paulo: "Ow! Ah!" Jen: "Stupid cheap uniforms!" stops the treadmill. Coach Halder: "Masterson! That's a five-minute major for sassing the uniform!" heads towards the penalty box with her head down. Paulo looks at her angrily with his good eye. Jen pulls out her cell and punches in a number. Wyatt: "Yello?" Jen: "Tell me Operation: Prank Jonesy is on track." Wyatt: "Don't worry. Jonesy won't know what hit him." takes a seat in the penalty box and lets out a long, loud, wet fart. Everyone laughs at her, especially Jonesy, who has just used his keychain for another prank. Jen sighs. ---- pours Tricia a lemonade against her will. Wyatt walks into the food court and spots them. Wyatt: "Hey Tricia! I wrote another song! Mother's Day is for your mama–" Tricia: "So help me, talk-singer, if you sing another talky-singy talk song, I am gonna sue your vocal cords off." stomps away from the lemonade stand angrily. Caitlin: "You're good." Wyatt: "Thanks. Why is your head tilted like that?" Caitlin: "I never thought I'd say this, but diamonds are more trouble than they're worth." reaches up and fiddles with one of Caitlin's earrings, helping her out. Wyatt: "Now, about that payment we discussed?" hands him her earrings. "Caitlin! I can't wear these!" Caitlin: "Don't worry, your neck muscles will adjust." rolls his eyes and pockets the earrings. Darth and Julie walk by, and Julie takes a gander through a pair of binoculars. Julie: "Quelle suprise! Another wrong text message about the eagles' location." Darth: "I'm so furious with Jonesy I can feel the dark side of the Force raging to escape me! Or maybe, I'm just thirsty." Caitlin "Two smoothies, please." ---- and Jonesy walk through the mall wearing army helmets with branches taped to them. Jude: "The more we simulate the forest, the more the eagles will dig it." Jonesy: "How do you know all this?" Jude: "I have no idea." stops suddenly, and Jonesy bumps into him. Jonesy: "Ah!" Jude: "Just follow my lead. Brrruu! Ka-ka-ka-ka! Brrruu-ka-ka-ka! Br-ka-ka-ka-ka!" people around them look at them strangely. Suddenly, a bird decides to defecate on Jonesy's shoulder. Jonesy: "Oh, gross! I mean, all right! We found the eagles!" texting "It feels good to text the truth for a change." Jude: a potted plant "Dude! I think I found the eagles nest!" starts to phone it in, but Jude picks up the nest. "Ohhhh, someone's gross gitch! Ugh!" flings it away. Jonesy catches it. Jonesy: "You mean my gross gitch. Jen's been leaving them all over the mall and telling everyone they're mine!" phone rings. "That must be Nikki. I told her I left her a message to meet me for lunch." answering "Hey babe. Ready to meet for some taco stand lip-locking action?" surprised "Uh, Miss Dunwoody? What do you mean you can't wait? For our what? No no! Don't meet me in half–hello?" hangs his head and hangs up. Jude: "Who's Miss Dunwoody?" Jonesy: "My mom's best friend. Apparently we have a date." on "Aw, man! Jen must have rearranged all the numbers in my cell phone!" Jude: laughing "Sweet!" the look on his friend's face "I mean, harsh." Jonesy: "Fear not, Jude. The big prank I've been setting up for days is about to pay off! Jen will finally be forced to admit defeat!" ---- is lifting weights at work. Her uniform is taped up from all its rips. Nikki: "Still trying to get back in shape?" Jen: "I've gotta burn fat and build muscle." skirt rips. Nikki: "You might want to cover those muscles." covers her thigh as Paulo walks by. As soon as he moves past, her eyes narrow. Jen: "I'm almost naked and he still doesn't notice me?" meets up with a girl by the door. Nikki: "Well maybe she's his cousin." kiss. "Ew, no, no. Scratch that." Coach Halder: "Masterson, the replacement uniforms have arrived. I'm all giddy!" Jen: up her new uniform "And not a moment too soon." ---- few minutes later, Jen exits the dressing room wearing a shirt that's far too large for her. Nikki: "Uh, Jen, isn't that a little big on you?" Jen: "I ordered a larger size because I thought I gained weight." what must have happened "Ugh! Jonesy! He must've taken in my old uniform to make me think I've gained weight!" Nikki: "Uh, remember when I warned you guys the pranks would get out of control? Well, it just happened." Jen: determined "I haven't even begun to fight!" ---- and Jude are seated inside Grind Me. Jude: "How'd the breakup with Miss Dunwoody go?" Jonesy: sighing "There were tears." Jude: "Bummer. What'd you say?" Jonesy: "I told her we're at different stages in our life. I'm young and, well, she's not." Wyatt: "Why, Jonesy. I never thought I'd run into you here. Aren't you supposed to be on eagle watch?" Jonesy: "Dude, you know I come here every week to watch the lottery draw on TV." Wyatt: the remote away from Jonesy "TV's on the fritz. Luckily, there's this handy-dandy radio!" sets the radio on the table and turns it on. Jonesy brandishes his lottery ticket, ready to check the numbers. Announcer: "Time to check those lottery tickets! You could be this week's big winner!" Jonesy: "This is my week! I can feel it!" silently laughs. Announcer: "This week's numbers are, four. Twelve. Seventeen. Twenty-two. Thirty-nine and forty-one." Jonesy: shocked "I won." gasps. "I won!" Jude: "No way, dude! That's awesome!" Jonesy: hyperactive "I know I said I'd win but I say that every week I can't believe I actually won this time!" Jude: "What about the eagles?" catches the helmet Jonesy throws at him. Jonesy: "Let 'em crap on someone else! I quit! I'm a millionaire! Woo-hoo-hoo!" darts out of the cafe. Wyatt: off the radio "Best performance of my career." Jude: "Whaddyou mean?" Wyatt: "I just made it up to prank Jonesy." Jude: shocked "The lottery let you pick the numbers?" Wyatt: "Jude. I don't work for the lottery." Jude: Wyatt "Your secret's safe with me." sighs. ---- walks into the food court and sees Caitlin hiding. Nikki: "Okay, Caitlin, this is getting out of hand." Caitlin: "I know! I can't shake Tricia no matter how hard I try!" Nikki: "That money doesn't belong to you. You have to give it back." Caitlin: up "I learned a really important lesson today. At first the money seemed great, but, it came with all kinds of problems." Nikki: "Overwhelming guilt?" Tricia: in front of Nikki "Hi, new old BFF!" Caitlin: "Overwhelming Tricia." Jonesy: towards them "Girls! Guess what! I won the lottery! I'm a millionaire!" Caitlin: "Careful, Jonesy. Money isn't all it's cracked up to be." Jonesy: gleeful "Yeah it is!" Tricia: Jonesy "Hey there handsome." Caitlin: "See? Toldja." Jen: up with her friends "What are you gonna do with all your cash, Jonesy? Find more ways to prank me?" Jonesy: "Yeah, about that. I'm sorry I got so carried away." Jen: shocked "You are?" Jonesy: "Well, me and my brothers prank each other all the time, but we love it! I guess winning the lottery has made me see that it's way more fun to make others happy. So I decided to give half my winnings to charity." eyes snap open at this latest tidbit of information. Caitlin: "Really? Which one?" Jonesy: "C.R.I.S.P.E.E.! They're gonna restore the bald eagles' natural habitat, so they don't have to crap on me in the mall anymore." Tricia: "Charity? Ew! I'm outie!" leaves. Caitlin: "Ah, wish I had thought of that." Jen: "I'm glad you're sorry about the pranks, but there's something you should know." Jonesy: "Hold that thought." pauses. "You haven't seen the best part yet." walks up to them with a hand cart that carries several gifts. "Ta-da! I bought us all gifts! Why? Because I can afford it." Jen: "Oh no you can't. Your lottery win was another prank. The biggest one yet." Jonesy: nervously "Yeah right. Nice try. Even you couldn't pull that off." Wyatt: up to them "But I could. The numbers on the radio? That was me." Jonesy: "So the...TV wasn't broken?" and Wyatt shake their heads. "And I'm...not a millionaire?" disappointed "Guess I...have to...make some returns." Ron: "Hold it right there, maggot. You still owe me fifty for the dolly." Jonesy: worried "Settle for a fiver?" Ron: "Sold." leaves. Jen: "I got you good." confused "So–how come I don't feel better?" steaming hunk of bird crap lands on Jonesy's shoulder. Jonesy: "Oh, man, not again!" friends laugh. Wyatt: "Feel better now?" Jen: "Much!" ---- is despondently standing around at work. She has a brand new apparatus there. Jude and Jonesy walk up to her. Jude is munching on something. Jonesy leans on the stand. Jonesy: "I take it you gave the money back?" Caitlin: flatly "Yeah. And the bank manager was so grateful, she gave me the 'grand prize'." Jonesy: "Was it money?" points at the apparatus. Jonesy laughs. "Oh, man, a toaster oven? Who would want such a crappy grand prize?" looks over and sees Jude take his food out of the oven. Jude: it "Hot-hot-hot-hot!" Caitlin: "Glad someone could find use for that thing." Jonesy: "If I had known I couldn't return opened food gifts, Jude, I would have bought you socks." Caitlin: "On the bright side, at least you won't have to watch eagles anymore." Jonesy: "Yeah, C.R.I.S.P.E.E. wasn't too thrilled about my bogus donation." Caitlin: "Guess neither of us has much to smile about today." Jonesy: "Unless you count seeing Jude eat a strudel that I accidentally-on-purpose dropped on the disgusting mall floor." Caitlin: "Eww! Jonesy!" takes a closer look at his strudel and plucks a hair off of it before stuffing the rest in his mouth. Jude: full "Still good." Category:Season 3